Tactics help spouses cope during deployment

Published April 14, 2011
By Steve Hoffmann
81st Training Wing Public Affairs

KEESLER AIR FORCE BASE, Miss. -- When your spouse is deployed, the one left behind gets deployed, too. Not in a military sense, not in a boat or some foreign base but right here at home, in their home. The spouse left behind has to pick up all the duties that their spouse used to do. If there are children involved, that means they have to assume the role of not just one parent, but two. The stress can be overwhelming at times and might prompt some to call in their own personal, tactical airstrike on themselves.

However, before a spouse blows up, the airman and family readiness center would like that tactical call to come to them.

"There's a saying that anything that can happen while deployed, does happen," said
Master Sgt. Jessica Woodruff, noncommissioned officer in charge of family readiness at
the airman and family readiness center. "The AC breaks, the lawnmower dies, the dog
dies, the kids get injured, etc. It all seems to come at once."

If you are reading this and ankle deep in water and don't have time to read the rest of
the article, the airman and family readiness center can be reached at 376-8728.

"We sometimes forget just what our spouses did while they were here," said Sergeant
Woodruff. "If they cooked, you're now the cook. If they paid the bills, you're now the bill payer."

Fortunately, there's help and you aren't alone. The airman and family readiness center has a number of strategies and programs to help spouses cope during deployment.

Give Parents a Break is an event that happens on the first Saturday of every month. Parents can drop off their kids at the youth center from 4-10 p.m. and the night is theirs to do whatever they want. The youth center provides a meal and has fun games and activities for the children while the parents are free to get together with friends, watch a movie or do nothing but sit and read a book.

For parents who need or want more breaks, daycare is also available by the hour at the child development center and informal babysitting groups have been spawned as a result of spouses coming together to help each other out.

Spa night is a new event that's held in conjunction with Give Parents a Break. Local vendors are invited to the airman and family readiness center to provide massages,
facials, manicures and pedicures for the parents. A meal is also provided.

According to Sergeant Woodruff, getting families and spouses together, building a sense of community, sharing information and relating experiences is the driving force behind a lot of their programs.

"The networking that happens at our events is important," Sergeant Woodruff said. "You may feel like you are all alone, but after one of these events, you meet so many others who are going or have gone through the same thing. Before, you would never have known these people were out there."

The Key Spouse program is also an important networking tool. Every squadron on
base has a key spouse, someone who serves as the information conduit between
squadron commanders and the family unit. They send out newsletters and emails about
the who, what, when, where and why of base happenings.

"We don't want a spouse or family member to feel like they are out on their own," said Sergeant Woodruff. "Just recently we had a young woman who was going to give birth to twins while her husband was deployed. We contacted her key spouse and made sure she was looked after and was able to get the care she needed."

Sergeant Woodruff is also the moderator of a private Facebook page that was set up
just for deployed family members. Those in the group can share information, ask questions, get answers and talk about anything and everything they need to. Weekly e-mails are also sent to keep family members informed of upcoming AFRC events.

Through all the organized programs and events, much of what the airman and family
readiness center does for deployed family members is also very informal, organic and relational in nature.

"Many times, people will come to our office looking for one thing and by talking to them, asking questions and building rapport, we'll find out there are other things we can help them with," Tech. Sgt. Marcus Hogsden, airman and family readiness center, pointed out.

"We want to be the intermediary, we want spouses to know they can come to us with their problems instead of calling their spouse who is deployed and distracting them
from their mission," he added.

Military family life counselors are also available to provide specific, individual care to spouses and family members. These individuals are trained to help military service members and their spouses and family members with a wide variety of issues
related to military life including deployments.

And even when an event isn't specifically geared toward deployed family members, the airman and family readiness center likes to piggyback off these community and base happenings to get deployed family members together. At the recent Mardi Gras parade, a special section was set up just for deployed family members. They also had a float in last Saturday's Child Pride Day parade.

"We like to organize these gatherings to make deployed family members feel special," explained Sergeant Hogsden. "We want to set the stage to allow them to connect with
each other and share information and experiences."

For more information on resources available to help spouses and family members cope during deployment, call the airman and family readiness center, 376-8728.