Determined woman breaks cycle of child abuse Published April 22, 2009 By Steve Pivnick 81st Medical Group Public Affairs KEESLER AIR FORCE BASE, BILOXI, MISS. -- A recent article about child abuse prompted Jo Rowe to reflect on her own sad experiences. "Deep hurt doesn't go away when you become an adult," said Ms. Rowe, executive secretary to the 81st Inpatient Operations Squadron commander. "My story will always bring tears to my eyes, but it's not always for the 'bad' reasons; my story is one of breaking the mold." Fifteen years of physical and emotional abuse by her mother began when she was 3. Born in Baltimore, her family moved to a 188-acre farm in Texas where they remained for three years before returning to Maryland. "My earliest recollection -- which my mother loved to brag about to show her control and dominance over a 3-year-old -- was when she caught me sneaking a piece of fudge from a large tray of homemade fudge," Ms. Rowe recalled. "Without warning, she told me I had to eat the entire tray of about 24 pieces of fudge. This made me very sick. Afterward, my mother was proud to tell everyone how I never asked for or touched another piece of fudge. She was right; I was only able to eat fudge again in my 30s." Ms. Rowe is the second oldest of four children, two girls and two boys. She, a brother and sister were born within three years of one another, 1956-58. Her youngest brother was born in 1966. In spite of the brutality, Ms. Rowe has some rare, good memories of her mother. "I remember how she made everything from scratch and how, when she was in a good mood, she'd read bedtime stories to us," she said. "But those memories, though cherished, never outweigh the bad." Although the abuse continued throughout her life, Ms. Rowe is proud she never resorted to taking drugs or alcohol. Ms. Rowe met her husband, Rick, a lieutenant colonel assigned to the 81st Medical Group staff, in 1998. They were married in 1999. "I was very honest with my husband and shared my past with him," Ms. Rowe commented. "He has been very supportive, yet found it hard to believe a parent could be so abusive. I appreciate his support, caring and compassion. "I only recently told my son about my abuse," she continued. "I never felt he needed to be burdened with this sad history as a child or young adult. But he sensed something was wrong because he grew up without his grandma or grandpa since I intentionally kept him away from them -- specifically my mother." Ms. Rowe firmly stated, "My mother will never know I am not a child abuser. That is my way of being in control and keeping something precious to myself that she doesn't have to know. She will never know I have never laid a finger on my son and she will never know my son has never laid a finger on his son. "I am so proud I have broken the cycle of abuse," she added. "When I die, I will not take with me visions of a helpless child crying and begging for her mother to stop abusing her. Instead, I will take a vision of my son and my grandson, smiling at me with wide blue eyes. I will gaze into their faces knowing they have never shed a single tear due to abuse or violence."